Mujo,Haso,Fata...

Naslov: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sub Feb 11, 2017 9:42 am

First topic message reminder :

Vozački ispit
Išao Mujo polagati vozački ispit po peti put. Vraća se on kući nakon ispita, i pita ga Fata: -I kako je bilo? -Ma pusti me bolan, opet sam pao, reče Mujo. -Jebao me u krivini, jebao me u pravcu, jebao me na semaforu! -Vidiš ti to, veli Fata, mene samo jebao u garaži, a ja prošla od prve!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Pitali Muju da li zna šta je to sex, on odgovara:
Sex je kad ustaneš ujutro tiho da ne probudis ženu, odvedeš djecu u
školu, odeš na pijacu, kupiš sve što treba, dovučeš to kući, napraviš
doručak i kahvu i odneseš Hanumi u krevet.
Bolan Mujo, pa nije to sex, kaže mu jedan od jarana.
E, mene moja žena tako jebe, a ne znam kako tvoja tebe.

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Razgovaraju Mujo i Haso.
- Dobro Haso, prijatelji smo, pa kako si mogo spavati s mojom ženom, nije te ni sramota?
- Samo sam htio vidjet razliku izmedju tvoje i moje.
- Pa što mene nisi pito?

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Doktor pregleda Muju i saopšti mu da ima 3 jaja.
Sav srećan Mujo ide ulicom i svima se hvali. Naiđe na crnca i kaže mu:
- Znaš li da ti i ja imamo 5 jaja?
- Zar ti nemaš nijedno?

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Aktivirali se Mujo i Haso u sindikatu pa uzeli platnu listu i stali se buniti.
Gledajte ba ovo.
Avdo - pet hiljada maraka.
Hamdo - šest hiljada maraka.
A pogledaj, ima na kraju liste neki Saldo?! Nikad se nije pojavio u fabrici, a prima taman kol'ko svi mi skupa.

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Kaže Fata Muji:
- "Danas sam jednom prosjaku dala pun tanjir supe i pet maraka!"
- "Jel pojeo supu?"
- "Jeste!"
- "E onda je pošteno zaslužio tih pet maraka!"

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Ide Mujo noću putem i jede burek. Odjedanput čuje iz tame:
- "Daj odmah ovamo!"
- "Šta, burek?"
- "Ma jok, papir!"

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Veli doktor Muji:
- Morate dati uzorak krvi, stolice, urina i sperme.
Mujo će:
- Evo ti bolan gaće, tu ti je sve!

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Ide Haso i vodi magarca, kad naiđe Mujo i pita:
- Ama gdje ćeš to ti sa tim konjem?
Haso će:
- Bolan, nije ti ovo konj, ovo je magarac.
Mujo:
- Ti šuti, tebe ništa nisam pitao!

Funder Broj poruka : 182753 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Dođe Mujo kod doktora i požali se:
- Doktore, kašljem, kišem, jedva dišem.
Pita ga doktor:
- Da li vam je neko u familiji imao TBC?
- Nije, ali je amidža Suljo imao BMW.

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:12 pm

Pita Mujo Fatu:
- Fato, jesam li ti prvi?
- Može biti, nešto si mi poznat.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:12 pm

Došla Fata Muji u bolnicu i kaže:
- Da čuješ Mujo šta mi se sad desilo: ušla ja u taksi i kad sam stigla do bolnice, vidim da sam zaboravila novčanik. Taksista mi reče: ili oralni seks ili da mu otpjevam neku pjesmu.
Pita Mujo:
- Pa koju si mu otpjevala?
A Fata će:
- Eeeeee moj Mujo, zar ti misliš da je meni do pjesme dok si ti u bolnici?!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:13 pm

Mujo trebao da ide u lov, pa pozajmio od Hase psa-pticara.Kada se vratio iz lova Haso ga pita:
-Je li, bolan, kakav je ovaj moj pticar?
-Pa ne znam…Ili ga ja lose bacam ili on ne zna da leti.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:13 pm

Voze se Mujo i Haso pa ce Haso:
-Je li Mujo jel` osetis da nesto smrdi?
-Ma Haso to ti je smog.
-Pa, ne znam s cijeg je ali smrdi!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:13 pm

Kupio Haso novi motor , mašina i po boli glava i sad on seo i ode malo da ga provoza kroz grad. Piči haso 100 na sat i dere se:
Je li ima ko ‘vakav motor?
Nema niko! – poneko mu dobaci.
Nakon jedno dva sata vožnje prolazi kroz jednu ulicu i dere se:
Ima l’ ko ‘vakav motor?
Imam ja, šta se foliraš nisi jedini. – dobaci mu jedan momak.
Pa de bona reci kako se ovo čudo gasi! – zavapi Haso.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:13 pm

Fata na prozoru, prolazi Mujo:
- Sama sam, Huso mi otputovo.
- Mogu li gore?
- Pa nisam ti ja kurva!
- Ih, ko da bi ti ja platio!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:14 pm

Mujo i Haso razapnu sator u Africi i zaspu. Kad, usred noci kroz otvor
proviri LAV:
Haso, bolan! Diz se, pocinju crtani!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:14 pm

Rodila Fata jedanaesto musko dijete:
- Kako mu ime?
- Mujo!
- A ostalima?
- Mujo!
- Pa bas svi Mujo?
- SVI!
- A kako ih razlikujes?
- Po PREZIMENU!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:14 pm

Sjedi Mujo na WCu i napinje iz petnih zila:
"MMMmmmmMM! MMMMMmmmm!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!
Kad odjednom nestane struje, Mujo pocne panicno vristati:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"
upada Fata sa svijecom u WC i pita ga:
"Sta je bre, sto je bilo???!??sta se deres bolan??!?!!"
"Uf jebote, dobro je... ja mislio da mi oci ispale!!"

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:14 pm

Nakon nekoliko godina braka dolazi Mujo sa Fatom doktoru i kaže:
Doktore moja Fata jednostavno ne uživa u seksu kao prije, pa bih vas
molio da mi date neki lijek.
E, Mujo pa ti ne znaš za nove trendove i dostignuća, iznajmi lijepo
jednog crnca da maše palmom dok se zagrijavate i to će vam slati
pozitivne vibracije pa će Fata ponovo uživati u seksu.
Nakon nekoliko dana Mujo dovede crnca sa palmom i počne se maziti sa
Fatom kad ono ista priča, Fata i dalje nezainteresirana.
Kaže Mujo crncu: Hajde daj meni da mašem a ti obrađuj Fatu.
Počne Fata uzdisat, uživa u dobrom komadu mesa kad se Mujo počne
derati: Eto vidiš crnčugo kako treba mahati!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:15 pm

Razgovaraju Haso i Suljo: Znaš li da je Mujo peder?
Nemam pojma, kad je mene jebavo bio je automehaničar.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Mar 13, 2023 2:15 pm

Oženio se Mujo Japankom i otišao živjeti na Okinawu. Poslije nekog vremena ode mu Haso u posjetu. Sjedoše divaniti i Haso pita:
- Bolan, Mujo, kako se vas dvoje razumijete?
- Mimikom - odgovori Mujo.
Uto ulazi supruga, vadi dojku i pokazuje je Muji. Mujo skoči, ode u drugu
sobu, zaskoči ženinu majku, a kad završi uzme kantu vode i prolije vodu
po ženi. Haso ga zbunjen upita:
- Bolan, Mujo, što to uradi?
- Pa, žena mi je rekla: Idi kupi mlijeko, a ja njoj: Jebem ti mater, zar ne vidiš da pada kiša!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Mar 15, 2023 7:06 am

Išli Mujo i Haso do knjižare i kupili mnogo stvari i vraćali se kući
Mujo:Hajde da prođemo pored policijske
Haso:Dobro
Eto njih kod policijskog auta i Mujo stavi stvari na policijski auto
Haso:Mujo zašto si stavio stvari na policijski auto
Mujo:Jer piše POLICE

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Mar 15, 2023 7:06 am

Pita mujo fatu .sto plačeš ljubavi? Moji mi ne daju da se udam za tebe.a mujo ce pa dobro ne plaći naci cu ja drugu

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Mar 15, 2023 7:06 am

Vidi Mujo da na vratima prodavaonice piše "open". Uđe on u prodavaonicu obavi sve što treba. Krene van, a na vratim piše "closed". Pita Mujo prodavača: koja je ovo glupost piše da radite od 6 do 20, a sada je tek 14. A na vratima piše closed što znači da je zatvoreno a prodavač kaže: to samo tako vidite

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Mar 15, 2023 7:07 am

Reče mujo hasi

Alooo haso neko ti je ukrao auto

Mujo:al je,jesi li bar vidio registraciju

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Mar 15, 2023 7:07 am

Petlja nešto Mujo oko zaključanog bicikla,kada odjednom policajac iza njegovih leđa povika:,,Aha,kradeš bicikl!"
A Mujo će na to:,,Gospodine policajac,ne kradem ja bicikl,samo zvonce,majke mi!"

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Mar 15, 2023 7:07 am

Mujo ostavio papirice od cokolade na krevetu i dođe
Fata i vidi ovaj nered - da si odmah pokupio ovo smece
Ne zelim da se ovo vise ponovi!- Iduci dan dođe Mujo i ostavi
Case od kave na krevetu i dođe Fata- Kako se usuđuješ
ostaviti kavu na mom krevetu! Da si pokupio ovo smece odmah
Ne zelim da se ovo ponovi!!! - nakon nekoliko dana nije bilo nereda na krevetu i ulazi fata u sobu i stala od iznenađenja- cijela je soba bila neuredna, osim kreveta.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Mar 15, 2023 7:08 am

Haso:Mujo jel si bio na polaganju
Mujo:Jesam
Haso:Ne znam,cekam da inspektor izadje iz bolnice pa da mi javi

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Mar 15, 2023 7:08 am

Pijaca. Mujo prodaje dve ovce.

Haso: Pošto ovce?
Mujo: Koja, lijeva ili desna?
Haso: Pa, recimo, lijeva…
Mujo: Lijeva je 100 evra.
Haso: A desna?
Mujo: Desna je isto 100 evra.
Haso: Koliko su ti teške ovce?
Mujo: Koja, lijeva ili desna?
Haso: Pa, recimo, lijeva…
Mujo: Lijeva meri oko 50 kila.
Haso: A desna?
Mujo: Desna meri isto oko 5o kila.
Haso: Koliko su ti stare ovce?
Mujo: Koja, lijeva ili desna?
Haso: Pa, recimo, lijeva…
Mujo: Lijeva je stara oko godinu dana.
Haso: A desna?
Mujo: Desna je isto stara oko godinu dana.
Haso: Sa čim si hranio ove ovce?
Mujo: Koju, lijevu ili desnu?
Haso: Pa, recimo, lijevu…
Mujo: Lijeva je pasla travu.
Haso: A desna?
Mujo: Desna je isto pasla travu.
Haso: Jel, bolan, jel ti to mene zajebavaš?!
Mujo: Jok ja, bolan.
Haso: Kako jok?! Kad te pitam pošto ovce ti me pitaš koja, lijeva ili desna, ja kažem lijeva, ti kažeš toliko i toliko, a posle i desna ispadne isto toliko. Tako i sa koliko mere, koliko su stare, čime si ih hranio… - sve u dlaku isto, a ti se natovrzo koja pa koja, lijeva il desna. Kako to, a?!!!…
Mujo: Ja sa samo htio da ti rečem da je lijeva ovca moja.
Haso: A desna?
Mujo: Desna je isto moja.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]