Mujo,Haso,Fata...

Naslov: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sub Feb 11, 2017 9:42 am

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Vozački ispit
Išao Mujo polagati vozački ispit po peti put. Vraća se on kući nakon ispita, i pita ga Fata: -I kako je bilo? -Ma pusti me bolan, opet sam pao, reče Mujo. -Jebao me u krivini, jebao me u pravcu, jebao me na semaforu! -Vidiš ti to, veli Fata, mene samo jebao u garaži, a ja prošla od prve!

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Moderator Broj poruka : 20723 Datum upisa : 21.07.2016

Mujo svoju ženu stalno zvao kravom. Ona se naljuti, tuži ga i dobije parnicu - sudija mu zabrani da je tako zove, inače ode u ćorku. Kad su stigli kući, žena počne da ga provocira:
Aaa, ne smiješ da me zoveš kravom!
A čovjek će:
Ćuti, ženo, nemoj da te udarim među rogove.

Funder Broj poruka : 184219 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Pitali Muju: “Šta je bolje biti, ćelav ili idiot?”
- “Idiot,” odgovori on, manje se vidi.

Funder Broj poruka : 184219 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Fata zove Muju telefonom:
• Mujo, gde si? • Evo me, u lovu sam!
• A ko to tako glasno stenje, bolan?
• Medved!

Funder Broj poruka : 184219 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Dođe Mujo pijan kući i odjednom se čuje: “Bum!”
Pita Fata “Mujo, šta je to palo”?!
- Kaput – odgovori Mujo.
Kako se kaput toliko čuje, bolan?
- Bio ja u njemu.

Funder Broj poruka : 184219 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Razgovaraju Mujo i Haso:
Bolan, Haso, moram te nešto priupitati..
Pitaj.. Ma cela čaršija priča o tome, mada, ne verujem ja u to, ali da proverim - priča se da si ti peder.
Kad već pitaš, da ti kažem istinu - jesam.
A jel? Priča se i da je tvoj brat peder.
I to je tačno.
Priča se i da je tvoj brat od strica peder.
Jeste, Alaha mi.
Pa bolan, Haso, jel ima nekog u tvojoj porodici ko se interesuje za pi*ke??
Ima.. Moja sestra.

Funder Broj poruka : 184219 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Kasno navečer zvoni telefon, a Mujo se ni ne pomakne u fotelji pred televizorom nego reče Fati:
- De, bona, jav' se, rec' da me nema ...
Fata se javi:
- 'Alo ... jok, tu je ....
Mujo ljutito vikne:
- Jesam ti rek'o da kažeš da me nema!
Fata spusti slušalicu i pogleda ga ispod oka:
- Nije bilo za tebe, bolan, već za mene ...

Funder Broj poruka : 184219 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Razgovaraju Fata i Mujo:
'Što bi ti, Fato, napravila da otkriješ da sam te prevario?'
'Hm, objavila bih to u novinama.'
'Da? I što bi napisala?'
'Mujin sprovod je u 15 sati na gradskom groblju.'

Funder Broj poruka : 184219 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Otišo Haso u ZOO, zastao kod papagaja i gleda.
Papagaj progovori:
- "Šta buljiš, budalo?"
Haso:
- "Je*o mater ako nisam mislio da si ptica."

Funder Broj poruka : 184219 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Sjede Mujo i Haso u kafani na Dan žena, i pita Haso nakon treće rakije Muju:

- Mujo, bolan, šta s' uz'o Fati za Dan žena?

Mujo slegne ramenima:

- 100 maraka iz torbe da imam za piće!

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:45 pm

Haso pita Muju:
-Znaš li ti koja je razlika između wc školjke i tuš kabine?
-Ne!?
-Znači ti si taj!!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:45 pm

Uhvatio Mujo medveda u lovu kad naiđe Haso, te pita ga:
- Kako si ga uhvatio, bolan?
- Lako, pucao sam sto puta!
- I koliko si ga puta pogodio?
- Nijednom, umro je od smeha!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:46 pm

Pita Mujo Hasu:
- Jel jarane, kako vaspitavaš ti svoju decu, batinama ili lepim rečima?
- Pa naravno, lepim rečima!
- A batine?
- Primenim i to ponekad, ali isključivo u samoodbrani!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:46 pm

Stane debela Fata ispred čarobnog ogledala, okrene se oko sebe i upita:

- Ogledalce, ogledalce, tko je najljepši na svijetu?

Ogledalo nervozno odgovori:

- Makni se, bona, ništa ne vidim!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:46 pm

Fata dobila povišicu na poslu i sva sretna krene gradom da se malo počasti. Uleti tako u jednu zlatarnu i zapne joj za oko jedna narukvica.

Fata se sagne da je bolje pogleda i prdne. Crvena od srama pogleda oko sebe, a prodavač stoji u daljem uglu zlatarne i gleda kroz prozor. Misleći da je nije čuo, Fata ga mirno upita:

- Jel', bolan, pošto ti je ova narukvica?

Prodavač se okrene i sa smiješkom odgovori:

- Ako s' pr'nula kad si je vid'la, usrat ćeš se kad ti kažem koliko košta!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:47 pm

Šeta Fata gradom i u jednom izlogu ugleda prekrasnu haljinu, koja još uz to ima i odličnu cijenu. Uleti ona odmah unutra i upita plavušu prodavačicu:

- Mogu li probati onu plavu haljinu u izlogu?

Plavuša pogleda haljinu, pogleda Fatu i odgovori:

- Žao mi je, ali ne.

Fata zbunjeno upita:

- Pa što ne?

Plavuša sigurno odgovori:

- Morat ćete je probati u kabini ...

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:47 pm

Doveo mali Mujica kući tri djevojke i kaže Fati:

- Mama, pogodi koja od ove tri djevojke je moja zaručnica?

Fata odgovori kaoiz topa:

- Ova skroz s desna ...

Mujica začuđeno upita:
- Jest, vala, ali kako si pogodila!?

Fata hladno procijedi:

- Čim je ušla, počela me nervirati!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:48 pm

Razgovara Fata s prijateljicom:

- Fato, čujem da si se razvela od Muje?

Fata slegne ramenima i potuži se:

- Jesam, tretir'o me k'o psa!

Prijateljica je suosjećano upita:

- Jel' stvarno?!

Fata odgovori tužno:

- Jes', htio je da mu budem vjerna!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sre Jul 12, 2023 1:48 pm

Vrati se Mujo kući s posla i već s vrata viče:

- Fato, bona, šta's mi skuvala za ručak, gladan sam k'o vuk?

Fata sjedi u dnevnoj sobi i mrtva hladan odgovori:

- Ništa!

Mujo se namršti:

- Fato, pa i jučer je bilo ništa za ručak?

Fata nastavi gledati televiziju i ispali:

- E, bolan, računaj da sam jučer skuvala za dva dana!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pet Feb 02, 2024 9:33 am

Išli Mujo i Haso biciklima. Kaže Haso:
– Mujo, tanrdče ti blatobran!
– Ne čujem te bolan!
– Tandrče ti blatobran!!!
– Ama, Haso,jarane, ne čujem te, tandrče mi blatobran!!

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pet Feb 02, 2024 9:34 am

Bio Mujo u bolnici, pa ga Haso pita:
– Kakvi su ti rezultati jarane?
Mujo:
– Bolan jarane, muka me spopala. Imam kiselinu u želucu, vodu u koljenima i šećer u krvi!
Haso :
– Pa ti ba jarane nisi čovjek, ti si limunada.

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pet Apr 19, 2024 2:25 am

Fata ceo dan zvocala Muji kako je ne poštuje i kako joj ništa lepo ne govori. Muji dosadilo pa joj reče:
- Fato, ti si meni A L B C H J K.
- Šta ti to sve znači?
- Atraktivna, lepa, beautiful, cute.
-A šta ti znači ovo H J K
A mujo će:
- Haha jesi kura*!

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Jun 03, 2024 2:57 pm

Voze se Mujo i Haso novom mečkom 200 na sat, i naravno spucaju se u banderu. Dolazi policija da izvrši uviđaj, kad ono Mujo 20 metara dalje izleteo kroz šoferšajbnu. Kaže mu pandur: Što Mujo nisi vezao pojas kao Haso? Vidiš kako lepo sedi, k'o da je živ.

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Čet Jun 20, 2024 5:49 am

Došao Mujo u restoran, sjeo za stol i dolazi mu konobar.- Izvolite?
- Donesite mi ono što jede onaj gospodin tamo! - odgovori Mujo.
- Sačekajte.Vraća se konobar nakon 15 minuta sav u masnicama i jedva stoji od bolova. Konobar:- Oprostite gospodine, što ste ovoliko čekali, ali jedva sam mu oteo!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Čet Jun 20, 2024 5:49 am

Mujo:‘Doktore, trebam potvrdu da ne mogu raditi.’
‘Pa što vam fali?’
‘Ta potvrda

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Jul 15, 2024 5:55 pm

Haso:Mujo jel si bio na polaganju
Mujo:Jesam
Haso:Ne znam,cekam da inspektor izadje iz bolnice pa da mi javi

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Jul 15, 2024 5:56 pm

Mujo, vid', bolan, ovo! Statistika kaže da 95% muškaraca pod tušom drka onu stvar, a samo 5% peva. Šta misliš šta pevaju?
- Otkud, bolan! Znaš li ti?
- Jok! Ne znam ni ja, bolan!

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Jul 15, 2024 5:56 pm

Pita Mujo Fatu:
- "Fato, kakav sam ja u krevetu?"
A Fata odgovara:
- "Ko vulkan Mujo moj."
Mujo:
- "Ih, ko vulkan baš sam tako dobar?"
Fata:
- "Ne, nego se aktiviraš svakih 5 godina."

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Jul 15, 2024 5:57 pm

Gleda Mujo atletiku i dolazi Fata kod njega i pita ga:
- "Što trče oni ljudi?"
Kaže Mujo:
- "Pa pobjednik dobija 5000$", a kaže Fata:
- "Dobro on, a što trče oni ostali?"

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Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Jul 15, 2024 6:00 pm

Mujo i Haso u karantinu zbog korone pa pričaju samo preko skypa:
- Jel nosite vi maske kad idete u dućan? - pita Haso Muju.
- Ma kakav dućan, Fata skuvala pasulj za 3 dana, počeli smo maske i po kući nosit!

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