Mujo,Haso,Fata...

Naslov: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sub Feb 11, 2017 9:42 am

Vozački ispit
Išao Mujo polagati vozački ispit po peti put. Vraća se on kući nakon ispita, i pita ga Fata: -I kako je bilo? -Ma pusti me bolan, opet sam pao, reče Mujo. -Jebao me u krivini, jebao me u pravcu, jebao me na semaforu! -Vidiš ti to, veli Fata, mene samo jebao u garaži, a ja prošla od prve!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Sub Feb 11, 2017 10:03 am

Žalila se Fata kolegici:
- Mujo mi je impotentan 300%.
- Pa kako sad to, jučer je bio samo 100%.
- Noćas je pao niz stepenice, slomio prst i pregrizao jezik

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:18 pm

Pitali Muju na Birou za zapošljavanje što je po zanimanju.
On odgovori:
– Pomoćni bagerista.
– A što vam je to?
– Pa jebote, ono što bager ne može, mogu ja lopatom.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:19 pm

Pita Mujo Sulju: “Voliš li ti seks u troje?”
– O da volim! – odgovori Suljo.
– Trči onda kući!- kaže mu Mujo.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:20 pm

Priča Mujo Hasi:
– Kako izgleda banana?
– Jesi li ikada jeo krušku?
– Jesam.
– E, nije ni slično.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:20 pm

Kaže Mujo Hasi:
– Čuo sam da atomska bomba košta 100.000 dolara!
Haso:
– E, dao Bog da mi jedna padne u dvorište

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:21 pm

Pita Mujo Hasu:
– Što bi Haso napravio kada bi tvoju ženu u šumi napao medvjed?
Kaže Haso:
– Ja se ne bi miješao, baš me briga, sam je napao, sam neka se i brani!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:23 pm

Naslikao Suljo svoju prvu sliku, pa ju donio u galeriju.
Gleda vlasnik galerije i kaže:
– Nije loša, a kako se zove?
– Mujo u Zenici.
– A tko je ova gola žena na slici?
– Fata.
– A ovaj goli muškarac pored nje?
– Huso.
– Pa, dobro gdje je Mujo?
– Pa u Zenici!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:23 pm

Mujo i Haso razgovaraju i Haso primijeti da Mujo ima nešto na glavi i pita ga:
– Mujo što to imaš na glavi?
Mujo mu odgovara:
– Infekcija od mišljenja!
– Kako to od mišljenja?
– Pa mislio sam da me Fata neće pogoditi s tanjurom!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:23 pm

Piše Mujo Hasi, koji radi u Njemačkoj:
„Bolan Haso, pišem ti pismo u tri točke:
Prva točka: Cijelo selo spava s tvojom Fatom.
Druga točka: I ja sam spavao s njom.
Treća točka: Što kažeš na drugu točku?”
Haso mu uzvraća:
„Bolan Mujo, odgovaram ti na tvoje pismo u tri točke:
Prva točka: Selo nije veliko.
Druga točka: Fata ima sidu.
Treća točka: Što ti kažeš na drugu točku?”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:24 pm

Izlazi doktor iz šok sobe, stavi Muji ruku na rame i kaže:
– Mujo, Fata ne izgleda dobro…
– Ma znam doktore, ali dobro kuha i dobra je s djecom

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:24 pm

Došao Mujo na roditeljski sastanak. Gleda sinu ocjene (same jedinice) kad zaključi.
Mujo:
– “U jbt, pa Mujica će mi pasti godinu…”
Profesor:
– “A da se okladimo u 500 eura da neće?…”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:25 pm

Pitali Muju: “Koja ti je omiljena boja?”
Mujo odgovara: “Karirana!”
“A piće?”
“Može!”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 12:25 pm

Mujo: “Haso, obožavam gledati kasetu s vjenčanja unazad.”
Haso: “A što bolan?”
Mujo: “Muzika mi vrati lovu, a Fata se vrati kući mami i tati.”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 2:26 pm

Mujo i Haso leže u bolnici.
Mujo: “Sestro, Haso se gađa stolicom!”
Sestra: “Gađaj i ti njega.”
Mujo: “Ne mogu kad je moja rijetka.”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 2:26 pm

“Haso, danas sam ti spasio ženu od silovanja” – reče Mujo
Haso: “Hvala ti puno, ali kako se to dogodilo?”
Mujo: “Uspio sam ju nagovoriti!”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 2:27 pm

“Ja sa svojom ženom nisam spavao prije vjenčanja, a ti?” – pita Mujo Hasu.
“Nisam siguran. Kako joj je bilo djevojačko prezime?” – odgovori Haso.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 2:27 pm

Oženili se Mujo i Fata. Prvu bračnu noć Mujo se skinuo gol pa počeo izvoditi bilderske poze.
Upita Fatu:
– “Jesam li kao dinamit?”
Fata odgovara:
– “Jesi, dragi, samo ti fitilj kratak!”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 2:42 pm

Ulazi Mujo u apoteku, pa kaže:
– Dajte mi, molim vas, Plivadon.
– Oprostite, nemamo ništa od Plive, ali može li od Krke?
– Pa dobro, dajte mi onda jedan Krkadon!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Naslov: Re: Mujo,Haso,Fata... Pon Feb 13, 2017 2:42 pm

Kaže Mujo Hasi:
– Haso, imam H1N1!
A Haso mu odgovori:
– Nije to ništa, ja ti imam mp3.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]