Razni...

Naslov: Razni... Pet Feb 07, 2020 7:59 am

First topic message reminder :

Završila se bračna noć, pa se mlada žali:
• Uopšte nisi ispunio moja očekivanja!
• Šta sad mogu, rekao sam da ću ispuniti prazninu u tvom životu, ali nisam imao pojma koliko je velika - odgovori mladoženja.

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Moderator Broj poruka : 20304 Datum upisa : 21.07.2016

Ivo i Jure razgledali Koloseum u Rimu.
– Ovo je fantastično – kaže Jure.
A Ivo će:
– A zamisli, pajdo, kako će tek to izgledati kada ga završe!

Moderator Broj poruka : 20304 Datum upisa : 21.07.2016

– Dajte mi kavu pet u jedan?
– Kako mislite?
– Šećer, mlijeko, kolačić, šifru za WI-FI i punjač za mobitel.

Moderator Broj poruka : 20304 Datum upisa : 21.07.2016

Leže muž i žena u krevetu, i muž šapne ženi:
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– Hoćeš da se igramo doktora?
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– A hoćeš li državnog ili privatnog? – pita ga žena.
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– Kako to misliš? – pita muž.
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– Pa ako ćeš državnog onda ćeš morati da sačekaš jedno 2-3 mjeseca, a ako ćeš privatnog, to će te koštati 100 eura. – kaže mu žena.

Funder Broj poruka : 182846 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Kaze Pero Ivici:
– “Jesi li čuo da ima neki hotel u Zagrebu gdje odeš, pojedeš, popiješ, odradiš “ono”, prespavas, i kad pođeš kući daju ti 100 EURA.”
– “Ma daj ćoeće, gdje si to čuo?”
– “Jeste, majke mi, pričala mi moja Marica.”

Funder Broj poruka : 182846 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Ulaze neke dve u kafić kažem drugu: "Gle onu kolika je, saće sve da nas pojede!"
Kaže on: "To mi je sestra!"
"Aha...onda nas dvojicu neće."

Funder Broj poruka : 182846 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

- koliko imaš kila?

- 90 i kusur.

- koliko je to kusur?

- 20

Funder Broj poruka : 182846 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Dolazi pacijent u ludnicu.

- Kako se zovete?

- Nikola Tesla.

- Kod nas ima mnogo naucnika...

- Nisam ja naucnik, ja sam aerodrom!

Funder Broj poruka : 182846 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Odgovori na sva ženina pitanja:
- trebaš mi
- volim te
- biću dobar

Funder Broj poruka : 182846 Datum upisa : 01.01.2010

Gradacija najeba kod žene:
- dobro sam
- nije mi ništa
- sve je ok

Naslov: Re: Razni... Pon Jan 11, 2021 1:20 am

Došao pop da opeva pokojnika, gleda nigde dlake na licu.
- Ko ga je kupao?
- Komšija Radoje.
- Al' je pogodio vodu, svaka mu čast.

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Pon Jan 11, 2021 1:20 am

Razgovor za posao u državnoj firmi:
- Recite mi, zbog čega biste żeleli raditi kod nas?
- Daj ćale, nemoj me zajebavati!

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Pon Jan 11, 2021 1:21 am

Zasto je dobro istetovirati 1000 eura na penisu?
1) Uvijek imas gotovinu u ruci.
2) Radujes se dok gledas kako ustedjevina raste.
3) Dajes zeni da trosi koliko hoce.

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Pon Jan 11, 2021 1:22 am

Izvinite gospođo moja ćerka nije mogla da peva jer je vaš pas zavijao.
- Izvinite ali je vaša ćerka prva počela!

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Pon Jan 11, 2021 1:22 am

Decko:Svidjas mi se
Devojka:Hahahahha
Decko:Volim te
Devojka:hahah
Decko:Kupicu ti stan na moru
Devojka:Stvarno?
Decko:hhahahha

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Ned Jan 24, 2021 1:02 pm

U jednoj Vranjanskoj školi pita nastanica engleskog jezika kako se kaže otvoren..javlja se učenik i kaže OPEN..,pita prof. a zatvoren.. pa ZAKLOPEN :)

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Naslov: Re: Razni... Ned Jan 24, 2021 1:03 pm

- Šta radi narkoman ispod jelke?
- Čeka paketić

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Naslov: Re: Razni... Ned Jan 24, 2021 1:03 pm

Putovali orasi brodom preko okeana. Nakon nekog vremena, sina oraha zove mama orah da vidi kako protice putovanje, a on joj odgovori

-Ne smaraj mama, zvaću te kad se iskrcamo

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Naslov: Re: Razni... Sub Jan 30, 2021 9:34 am

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 4:49 am

,,razgovaraju dvoje prijatelja
_pazi šta se desilo , moja trudna žena čitala troje musketara i rodila je trojke
,,,a drugi će
_jaooo odo ja kući ona moja čita alibabu i 40set razbojnika,,,

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 4:51 am

doktore pomagaj , slušam glasove al ništa ne vidim
_a kada Vam se to dešava
_uvek kada telefoniram,

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 4:53 am

,,ulazim u burekdzilnicu i pitam majstora
_majstore gde čuvaš meso za burek
_pa u frižideru normalno
_epa mogao si malo da staviš i u bureku

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 6:34 am

,u ambulantu , doktor
_sestroo daj rezultate
,,,sestra
_barsa-real 1/0 , Čelzi-liverpul 2/1 , vojvodina-zvezda 3/0

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 6:35 am

_sinko ti se drogiraš
_odakle pa sad to ćale
_jedna tičica mi rekla
_jbg stari ti pričaš sa pticama a sad ja se drogirao,,,

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 6:35 am

,, razgovaraju dve komšinice
_onaj moj je sto posto impotentan
_a moj 300 posto
_kako bre sad 300 posto
_pa tako , 100% jer je impotentan , 100% jer je slomio srednji prst i 100% jer se ugrizao za jezik,,

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 6:37 am

_doktore imam kamen u bubregu , pesak u zhuč , vodu u kolenu , šta da radim
_odmah vadi građevinsku dozvolu,,,

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 6:37 am

,moj drug ima mnogo loše pijanstvo
_triput me ispustio dok me nosio kući,,,

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 6:38 am

,,,u jednoj bolnici za vreme ručka
_kakva je ova kafa , a drugi
_kakav je ovaj čaj , a sestra će
_ko oće još supu,,,

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Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 10:17 am

Kaže momak svojoj devojci: - Volim skromne cure, šetnja po parku, klupica... A devojka će na to: - Neka, platiću ja kafu, jeftinija je od upale krajnika

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

Naslov: Re: Razni... Sre Feb 10, 2021 10:19 am

Bio jedan tip kojeg su zvali Sarma. Jednog dana to je njemu dosadilo i uzme pištolj i uđe u birtiju pa kaže:
– “Prvi koji me nazove Sarma ubit ću ga!!!”
I sad svi ušutili jedino konobar nije čuo i upita ga:
– “Sarma, šta pijes?”, i ovaj ga upuca.
Nakon 9 godina robije, hoda on ulicom i čuje glas:
– “Miješano meso!”, on ne reagira.
– “Riža!” – On ne reagira.
– “Kiseli kupus!” On se okrene i kaže:
– “Smotaj to i je*at ću ti mater!!!”

„Život je ono što ti se dešava dok ti praviš planove za život.”

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